My focus was on the wrong thing, I thought I was ready but then found out quickly that it was too heavy and could not handle it on my own.....
The radio silence the last ten days has not been intentional. We have been running around to get things ready for our departure. We are finding that there is great joy in finishing up projects that were once started and placed on hold because of Grad school, life, ministry, or whatever. Landscaping: check. Playground: 98% check. Clean up cattle yard and pasture: check Siding: check (thanks to some amazing people)
have an injury that will have life long affects: check
On Memorial Day, I (Justin) was helping to put a dock in the lake and found myself focusing on "bending with the knees and being aware of my bum wrist" when all of a sudden the weight became to great and I felt and heard multiple "pops" in my right elbow. The pain was great. Went to the ER in Worthington and they gave me some thing for the pain but suggested an Ortho visit. They feared that I tore my bicep. The kicker was then that many of the Orthopedic doctors had a waiting list of a few days....we did not have a few days to waste..we needed to jump on the moment for trying to discover the most amount of info as possible. So we scheduled an appointment on Wednesday with our doctor in Sioux Center ( the ever smart and extremely talented man that he is). Our initial thought: torn Long Head Bicep Tendon, typically happens in the shoulder. Yet, my shoulder was fine, it was in the elbow.
When I went to the doctor, I did various resistance flexes and stretches. By then, the pain, or constant pain was gone. I found myself with a dull ache....much like when you twist your elbow. However, when I do certain stretches for the docs, the dial of pain did get turned up fast!
The doctor in Sioux Center said, "oh, the elbow is a scary place for an injury, I would like you to see an ortho asap....but, there is something strange about your injury, you should not be able to do some of the stuff that you are doing". Through the magically work of his staff, I was able to get an appointment in South Dakota Thursday morning. All the while, friends and family were on a lift at my house hanging siding and painting...something that I felt earlier that I should do and wanted to do.....I was humbled by their great generosity.
Thursday at the Ortho doc..... he dug around with my left arm as a test and then dug around with my right arm. I thought I was going to jump through the roof. He said, after am X-Ray, I think it might be torn. He said surgery. Our hearts sank. Surgery would mean a massive delay in leaving. We asked for a moment and then begin to take it all in: 3 doctors from 3 states. What would I have done IF we were not leaving on Monday? What are the benefits of surgery/what are the risks? What would I lose if I do not do surgery? But then, we asked something crazy: What would I GAIN if I do not do surgery?
A loss of 30% of strength and a difficulty to rotate my arm (screwdriver motion) as well if no surgery was done was what I was told. Yet, if it is not torn completely, there is Hope. I asked then: what if this injury happened before I left for Guatemala so that I would place my full hope and trust in God's hands instead of trying to take things in my own hands (or the hands of others).
My focus was on the wrong thing, I thought I was ready but then found out quickly that it was too heavy and could not handle on my own.....I NEED my HOPE and STAY in Christ alone. The burden of trying to lift everything around me with my heart, mind, and soul is too heavy for me, but not for Christ. I trust that I will be healed. But if not, I will still remain in Him.....Him...the One who formed me and can breathe new life and can create the tendons to heal. So we go, in faith and confidence AND with only three days left to finish packing and process with our family...
Psalm 27:13-14
